We’ll keep our introduction short, so as to get to as many bad jokes as we possibly can, but the year is 2022, the global pandemic has lasted far longer than any of us thought, and we could all use a reason to laugh. Or at least roll our eyes. So here is a collection of our favorite really bad science jokes.
What is the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
What do rich clouds do?
They make it rain.
“Realization: the asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in earths history.”
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
What do you call a FISH with no eyes?
A FSH
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics?
Woopea!
“PLANTS: imma wave my genitals in the air. HUMANS: mmm fragrant”
What does Earth say to make fun of the other planets?
“You guys have no life.”
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.
What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe?
Ouch! That’s mitosis.
“Night sky on normal day vs. on any astronomical event.”
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” – then he died.
How much room does fungi need in order to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
“The fact that there are imaginary numbers in mathematics is proof that humans create their own problems and then cry.”
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What did the conservative biologist say?
The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.
Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
“Twitter Books: what’s the last book that made you cry?
Twitter user: University Physics with Modern Physics 14th Edition by Hugh D. Young, Roger A. Freedman
Roger Freedman: Not doubt tears of joy.”